What gets you OUT of the pit of despair when nothing is going your way?
This topic got me thinking a lot. Well, more or reminiscing. It wasn’t that long ago that I was at my burnout point. January 2012. By now if you are a regular reader you know the date.
There I was, constantly running to the bathroom, dealing with cramps, having no appetite and ready to give in. I was sinking into depression and wanted an end to it all. Well, not all…I didn’t want to committ suicide..but it did enter my mind. What I wanted was to be done with my Crohn’s. I wanted to call my dr and tell him to yank my colon out. I had had enough. No meds were working. I saw no relief ahead and I had no fight left in me.
Basically, I was burned out. Over the years I have had some depression every now and then. There were days where I had no energy and didn’t want to get out of bed. Everytime that brick wall hit, I would just try to keep positive thoughts and would get myself out of my funk quickly.
This time around was different. I couldn’t think of any reason to go one. I was dealing with too many emotions and couldn’t handle it. I felt like a crash test dummy hitting the wall at 100 mph. My body was giving up and so was I.
And then, as many of you know, I found myself. I found my voice. Basically, I found my community. Where I saw no future for myself, I now saw warriors fighting back and saying “I won’t give up”. I watched videos from Sara, Kelly and Maggie (you know the names by now) and they showed me that I CAN’T give in. My life was worth so much more than my disease.
Over the past year I have been doing pretty well. There have been some times when the diseaes brings me down and I jump back to my community. So the answer to what gets me out of despair….is YOU. My IBD community. Whether it is on Twitter, a group on Facebook or some posting on a IBD website. My fellow Crohnies (and UCers) help me recover and get my sense of worth back.