Poop, bum brownie, dookie, turd, water log, and the all time favorite, doodie.  Have you guessed what I am going to talk about today?

When it comes to IBD, there is no shortage of taboo subjects.  Pretty much everything surrounding the diseases are not pleasant to talk about, especially the acts surrounding the disease.  No one talks about going to the bathroom, especially if you’re a woman.  It is seen as an unattractive thing and most women will never touch the subject.

But what do you do when you life all of a sudden revolves around the bathroom.  I think about the Humira commercial where you see this person walking in a circle always being near a bathroom.  That is what Crohn’s and Colitis does to a person.  Whether we like it or not, our bowls take over our lives.

No one really ever wants to talk about their poop.  I agree it is disgusting and not something pleasant to talk about.  But after you have had some bowel accidents you learn to live with it.  It’s amazing that we are so obsessed with the food that goes into our mouths but once we swallow it, we forget all about it.  The food gets digested and turns into that taboo subject.

So why are we so skittish to talk about dropping the kids off at the pool (one of my favorite sayings).  I think it is because it is deemed a filthy and unclean act and we as humans want to be clean.  We live in a society where we take daily showers and use hand sanitizers.  When we eat things like lobster, we wear plastic bibs to keep us clean and use wet naps afterwards to clean our hands.  Now I used this example because lobsters are considered unclean.   They live at the bottom of the ocean and eat the poo of other animals.  Have you ever wore a bib when you ate a salad or wiped your hands using a wet nap after eating a hamburger?

The thing with poo is that our IBD lives revolve around it whether we like it or not.  For a lot of us, it is in the form a diarrhea.  With diarrhea come urgency.  People with IBD have little control over their sphincter muscle.  When we have to go, we have at most one minute to get to a toilet. Many people don’t understand that.   I have read so many stories that start off, “We were riding in the car and I said I have to go.  My spouse said, I will pull over at the next exit”  What that person doesn’t understand is that the next exit could be miles away.  We don’t have that time.  Now truly means now with us.

Lately I have been hearing more stories about people having accidents or going on the side of the road.  More and more people with IBD are starting to open up on the subject.  I love it because we are all in the same boat.  I think we have all been there at one point.  Talking about it gives us comfort to know we are still normal.  It also helps take away the stress associated with it.

Another thing about poo, is that it can tell a lot about our health.  Doctors can use it to find out if we have certain ailments or diseases.  They can see what our body is digesting and what they aren’t.   Now I am reminded of the song from Scrubs…and I will end it with the video and lyrics.

Everything Comes Down To Poo Lyrics – Scrubs

J.D.: Hey, Ms. Miller — we just need a stool sample
Patti: Why do you need a stool sample if you think I’m just a nut?
Turk & JD: ‘Cause the answer’s not in your head, my dear — it’s in your
butt!
J.D.: You see….
Everything comes down to poo!
From the top of your head, to the sole of your shoe
We can figure out what’s wrong with you by lookin’ at your poo!
Turk?
Turk: Do you have a hemorrhoid or is it rectal cancer?
When you flush your dookie down, you flush away the answer!
J.D.: It doesn’t really matter if it’s hard or if it’s loose
We’ll figure out what’s ailing you, as long as it’s a deuce!
Yes!
Everything comes down to poo!
Nurses: Everything comes down to poo!
J.D.: Cardiovascular and lymphatic, yes, the nervous system, too!

All across the nation, we trust in defecation!
Everything comes down to poo!
Turk: If you want to know what’s wrong, don’t sit and act so cool
Just be a man and eat some bran, and drop the kids off at the pool!
Robed Woman: My stomach hurts
J.D: Check the poo
Limping Woman: I sprained my ankle
Turk: Check the poo!
Bloody Shoulder Guy: I was shot!
J.D: Check the poo!
Delivery Guy: A homeless guy threw poo in my eye!
Turk: Check the poo!
Delivery Guy: Mine or his?
J.D: First him, then you!
It may sound gross, you may say “shush!”
J.D. & Turk: But we need to see what comes out of your tush!
Because!
All: Everything comes down to poo!
Whether it’s a tumor or a touch of the flu!
J.D. & Turk: Please, won’t you pinch us off a big, fat clue!
Turk: Our number one test is your Number Two!
All: If there’s no breeze, light a match please!
Everything comes down to —
J.D.: Doo-doo!
Turk: Doo-doo!
J.D.: Doo-doo!
Turk: Doo-doo!
All: Everything comes down to … poo!